I don't wanna feel this longer than i have to. It's been years and years and years, I just can't make the time. Some may say its a good thing, a necessary step. Guess i can't find the worth in feeling worthless.
If i could never leave my room again, everything might just be fixed. Remove myself from so much stress, and have the choice to isolate myself from all this. I'd be myself be by myself i could grow to feel like myself.
But I know that's not the way to face what I'm dealing with. Try to learn that "i'm okay" is worth celebrating. I will grow out my hair, refusing any explanation, reclaim my everything, and turn it into something. Maybe I'll be the one to help myself this time without rejecting love from everyone who knows, like I've done a thousand times before. Like when i told you if I could see myself the way you swear you see me, I'd be okay. I'm getting there, on my own two legs, slowly and with intent.
Discard masculinity, in favor of those around me who are far more befitting of this much time. I know I'm bad at reaching out but I want you to know that you're part of the reason i got this far.
I will stop wishing for my death, at every sign of discontent, for every smile and every tear that went over my head. Give myself time, and some more credit, for every day i woke up sad and still got out of bed.