Put My Head Down

by Tim Lindsay

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about

Last year, I did a lot of stepping out of my comfort zone. I wrote these songs as the year went on, ruminating on moments that seemed quite distressing at the time. Listening back to these songs however, they’re kind of… goofy. And upon further reflection, so were the moments that informed them. They’re ridiculous, and so was my nervousness around them.

Anxiety affects every aspect of my life. It’s not always butterflies in my stomach or heavy breathing. It’s not always a fluctuating heartbeat or nausea. For me, anxiety’s a mindset I’ve been stuck in my entire life. It prevents me from fully enjoying many aspects of my life and it’s stopped me from putting out a bunch of music! I often get so nervous about releasing a song or project, I drop it and move onto the next.

I didn’t want to do that this time. Many have said that getting out of your comfort zone is the best way to grow and develop as a person, and last year has certainly shown that to me. I think if I’d made it this far with an EP two years ago I would’ve dropped it or been tempted to revise it. This time it’s going out there. It’s a bit weird. It’s certainly imperfect. But I pushed aside my worries, I focused, and I got it done.

credits

released February 14, 2019

Produced, arranged, composed, and performed by Tim Lindsay.
Album art by Tim and Nolan Lindsay.

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Track Name: Onwards
Highest regards for you
There's much I can’t undo
Still I turned and changed my shape
You offered me your grace

These parted doors, I glance ahead
Present a life, I can defend
For once I have more than my words
I’m moving on, I’m moving forward

Son, go and lift up your hands
And you should pray you get there
I see your strength and you want it so badly

Here is my love to withstand
All that is cruel and unfair
I see your eyes and you want it that badly

Higher, higher
I know I can climb a little higher
I feel your prowess shines on me now

Alluring chances, I take hold
Presenting gifts for all at home
For once I have more than my words
I’m on my way, I’m moving forward

Son, go and lift up your hands
And you should pray you get there
I see your strength and you want it so badly

Here is my love to withstand
All that is cruel and unfair
I see your eyes and you want it that badly

Now that your blessing’s in my reach
I strive for remarkable peaks
Fruitless patterns cease to exist
A lacking past I now dismiss

We’ve got it made, love on display
Look what we’ve done and can parade
After this chase and harsh demands
I’ve got your trust, it's in my hands
Track Name: Oh My Gosh, She's So Pretty
Her coveted physique
And features so unique
I swear you’ll never forget her

Her enchanting speech
It always gets to me
I love the way that she’s making me feel

She’s so exuberant
Joyful and humorous
Can I keep up with her spirits

I feel I’m falling fast
My fondness unabashed
She sure has left an impression on me

God bless her, she’s the girl I do treasure
She makes me feel so complete
Expression, shower her in affection
So I will state this loudly

Oh my gosh, she is so pretty
I can’t believe that she is with me
Oh my gosh, she is so pretty
She’s the loveliest I’ve ever seen

I’m nothing wonderful
I feel indrawn and dull
How can I be more compelling

No need to overthink
She’s promised me one thing
I am fine just the way that I came

It’s her comforting charm
And character so warm
It all just heightens her beauty

So anxious and we’re young
Could this really be love
Our connection is hard to conceal

God bless her, she’s the girl I do treasure
She makes me feel so complete
Expression, shower her in affection
So I will state this loudly

Oh my gosh, she is so pretty
I can’t believe that she is with me
Oh my gosh, she is so pretty
She’s the loveliest I’ve ever seen
Oh my gosh, she is so pretty
Stunning looks and her timeless appeal
Oh my gosh, she is so pretty
I love the way that she’s making me feel

So many nights I've spent
Wishing I was her
She’s got confidence to kill

She’s imperfect she’ll admit
But she’s the closest thing I have to an angel
Wholly blemished but she’s pristine to me

Oh my gosh, she is so pretty
I can’t believe that she is with me
Oh my gosh, she is so pretty
She’s the loveliest I’ve ever seen
Oh my gosh, she is so pretty
Stunning looks and her timeless appeal
Oh my gosh, she is so pretty
I love the way that she’s making me feel
Track Name: Dreamy Boy
Holding your body was said to be simple
But intricate poses led to stunted impulse
There’s growing desires through limbs interweaving
It’s strained and it’s graceless, but somehow still pleasing

We swayed to the rhythm but it seemed so restless
And some how you still end up leaving me breathless
I’m acting out daydreams, they’re all I have left here
We talk of escaping but words are insincere

My senses swell
Wanting more (Senses swell, wanting more)
Let’s embrace
Come here give it all you’ve got now

Go ‘head and talk, whisper in my ear it’s all I hear
Every breathe, seems like every breathe you take it completes me
The rooms heating up, every drip of sweat on me shows your longing
I never thought, never thought I’d be with you, you dreamy boy

Time is here fleeting
Go faster repeating
Those sayings and motions
From short-lived devotion

With no apprehension
I breathe in this tension
Through friction and phrases
And dimly lit gazes

Our youthful impatience
And infatuation
Are now manifested in
Visceral expression

With night at its closing
And morning sun glowing
I say in a quiet voice
Thank you dreamy boy
Track Name: That's Not My Style
That’s not my style
I won’t wear it that way
Gotta keep doing my thing
No matter what you say

All on my own
I can make this work to sharpen me
They don’t stand a chance
When I’m lookin' like the centerpiece

As I walk in the room
Everyone looks the same
You tell me I stand out and
I should have changed
But the fits that you showed me
Boy I just couldn’t stand
I’m on my own tonight

That’s not my style
I won’t wear it that way
Gotta keep doing my thing
No matter what you say

Nowadays all these trends are the same
Even the misfits to fit in a frame
There’s no need to conform
It’s all been done before
I might let my look shine through

So as I walk in the room
I might steal this damn show
You hold your head down
Think we’ve been here before
But the outfits they’re wearing
None are striking to me
I feel like I’m a star

That’s not my style
I won’t wear it that way
Gotta keep doing my thing
No matter what you say
Track Name: Heart Racing And All
I can’t think straight when I’m anxious
It seems like it just keeps getting louder in here
Second thoughts and trepidation
Rush through me when my moment is coming near

I can’t even speak
I’m nervous as hell
I could fall to my knees
But you sure couldn’t tell

I just wanna leave
But now I gotta sing
I gotta get up on stage
And there's no time to think

Heart racing and all
I can barely breathe
Keep shaking but I
Can’t look so weak

Can you hold the conversation
I hear people cheer from amongst the crowd
I was never seen as famous
But here I am on this pedestal now

You can do it, I know you got what it takes
Heart racing is senseless, what a mistake
But all this self talk seems so pointless
When I’m still just a nervous mess

I can’t even speak
I’m nervous as hell
I might tremble in fear
But I should break out my shell

I just wanna leave
But now I must perform
I gotta take one more breathe
It’s all that I can afford

Heart racing and all
I can barely breathe
Keep shaking but I
Can’t look so weak

Chest pounding and all
I can barely see
Losing vision but I
I am almost free

All this worry and all this pain
I’m walking out like a model
It’s my moment on stage

Heart racer can’t catch me
I swerve the insanity
Grab the mic, inhale, for a second of vanity

Heart racer can’t catch me
Well, heart racer can’t catch me
Heart racer can’t catch me
Well, heart racer can’t catch me
Track Name: Call Her Back
Stuck in my room
With nothing left to say
I’ve been unkind, insensitive
But I must live with it

Gone are the days
Conversing came naturally
The price to pay for using
Someone else’s empathy

The disappointment lingers through her
Misery from boys into her
Promised her I’d be considerate
Now look at me, I’m not that different

It’s selfish regret
A feeling so tough to face
Am I looking to change or
Rid myself of all my guilt

Our loving trust is now in ruins
I beg for honest resolution
My heart still races when I see her
I’d do anything to please her

I wanna call her back
I wanna let her know
That I’m looking to change
And I can’t let it go
I wanna call her back
But I should leave her be
She was the girl of my dreams now I’m stuck with half apologies

But if I called her back
Would it make her feel
As if I never learned
How to let her heal
And if I called her back
Could it maybe seem
That I’ll never move on, I’m just searching for sympathy

I want your happiness
I do girl
I know I can’t mend
Past romances

But maybe we can both start
From here now
There’s still many sparks
When I’m near you

A racing heart I pace back and forth
Wanting her familiar warmth
A restless mind of expectations
Begin to dial with hesitation

I wanna call her back
I wanna let her know
That I’m looking to change
And I can’t let it go
I wanna call her back
But I should leave her be
She was the girl of my dreams now I’m stuck with half apologies

But if I called her back
Would it make her feel
As if I never learned
How to let her heal
And if I called her back
Could it maybe seem
That I’ll never move on, I’m just searching for sympathy

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